Dear Kay,
I am a mom of a fifteen year old and a fourteen year old step daughter. I have taught my daughter the very basics of life God, Faith, Prayer, Respect for self and others, cooking, cleaning, washing her own clothes, sex,and drugs. Heck I’m at the part where I am talking to her about not leaving her drink when she goes to a bar or club and gets up to dance (she is looking at me a little side ways on this one) but I want her to hear my voice when she has that awesome feeling of being 21 stepping into a club to party and drink (if she chooses) telling her “do not leave your drink at the bar or with a “friend”.
All that said My fourteen year old step daughter is totally the opposite my husband and I sat down with her to have a talk (to see what she has been taught by her mom) We asked “Have you gotten you period? “YUK! that’s gross!! come to find out no she hasn’t and her mom hasn’t said anything about it she learned about in school she said. “Do you like boys or have a boyfriend”? that gross “BOYS HAVE COODIES” she says. I could go on and on. My daughter loves music, videos, her myspace page (which I set up one to monitor hers), she talks to friends on the phone, etc. My fourteen year old step daughter my husband states that her room is still set up like a five year old dolls, toys etc. No teenager posters, music etc. She still carries a stuff animal with her (which I told her she too old for that it’s time she left him a home) Where my daughter watches music videos she is in another room watching cartoons all day. She doesn’t talk much to my daughter who is vibrant, funny and loves to talk.
Why does she act so withdrawn and immature actually like a baby a five or six year old (actually younger) she is the whiny type. Everything she says is in a whining voice why is that? I feel sad for her because I believe what you don’t teach your child the world will and it will be the wrong thing. Young adulthood is around the corner (college) for both of our daughters–what will become of the daughter that wasn’t taught anything about LIFE?
I do the best I can by talking to her but she is loyal to her mom (who I believe tells her not to listen to me because “their better off” so she thinks than we are-we’re beneath them). We’re a family of LOVE and that conquers all we try to explain to her but she looks at us like we have three heads. What do you think I should do? To be honest I feel by the time a child is five years old (I have four kids) they are pretty much molded so by the age of fourteen if you’ve taught them nothing about the real world shame on you and if you’ve taught them to look down on others it’s sad-I taught my kids to LOVE everyone never think you’re better than the next man–don’t look down on someone help them up.
Renee
She will learn best by example. It also won’t help if either of the mothers are looking down on the other so I wouldn’t keep up the comparisons between the daughters or how you each have raised them.
I would include her on things and continue to be the guiding person that you are however make sure she knows she is accepted and loved. Teens are very sensitive to rejection and disapproval and it will get you nowhere.
Whether or not you and I disagree with how she has been raised will not help her. Just be kind and continue to role model for her to watch. Teens often watch and hear way more than adults realize they do.
She is lucky to have so many people who love her!
M Kay Keller;
