Subject: My son having sex with a cousin
Question: Hi i am 39 mother of one son and a widow. a few weeks ago my sister
and her two daughters came to stay with us for three weeks as a holiday. the
problem is the we are a nudists family which has been fine until now.
me and my sister grew up in a nudists home and have raised our kids the same. But
on this day me and my sister could not find my son our her daughter who is
the oldest. when we did find them we walked in on them having oral sex. I
would like to know what we should say and do with them?
Answer: Dear Anonymous:
There really is not enough information here for me to get a clear idea of what led up to this incident. However, both children? teens? adults? your son and her daughter need to know about boundaries. Legal boundaries say we do not have sex with first cousins. The issue of raising children in a nudist family does not change the responsibility of parents to set appropriate boundaries and to be clear about those boundaries.
This is not a judgement call upon your lifestyle it is however a wake up call to realize that teens (I am assuming they are teenagers) are HORMONAL.
Sometimes teens who are cousins and not raised around each other become confused when they meet cousins and find they are attracted to each other regardless of their being related.
It is important not to shame them regarding their attraction for each other. Taking responsibility as the adults and letting them know you need communicate what appropriate boundaries are and then listen to them. Listen and listen some more. If this is something which is not going to go away, I strongly suggest you find a Family therapist who understands the nudist lifestyle to help you out in setting and maintaining appropriate boundaries.
M Kay Keller
———- FOLLOW-UP ———-
QUESTION: hi Kay i just wanted to say thanks for you help. My son was 14 and his cousin
was 15 at the time. They had seen a lot of each other growing up as we are a
close family. We share a lot of days together for sports and holidays. As to
what led up to them having sex is really just a holiday. My sister and the girls
have always gone naked at our house as she does at her home. So to what led
up to them having sex we have not really found out i have talked to my son
about it but all i get is have a answer from him. My sister has not really talked
to her daughter yet so i not sure what is going on at her end. We found them
in the back room as i told you before having oral sex. We have always made
a clear line between been nudists and sex and have been very open with
them about what is right and wrong. I hope this helps you more. I Just would
like to know how to talk to them both about what happened and should i talk
to them or as you said maybe go to a therapist.
ANSWER: Dear Anonymous:
I think a trip to a therapist would be a good idea. Sounds like there is something more going on here. Do find one who is open to your lifestyle so it does not become the focus of attention rather than what actually happened.
M Kay Keller
———- FOLLOW-UP ———-
QUESTION: Hi Kay just a quick hello to tell you i got my son into a therapist. Although
she is does not focus on nudists families she is a sex therapist and has told
me after our frist meeting that she feels he has sex with older women and it
was not the frist time that he and his cousin did have sex not jsut oral sex.
But what was good is that she feels been a nudists family has nothing to do
with it.Thanks for the help and been so understanding. I have had a few
women tell me i was wrong to be naked in front of him. So thanks for your
Answer: I am glad it is working out for both of you. Best Wishes! Kay