Questioner: Anonymous
Subject: teenage sex
Question: My daughter will be 15 in one month and a sophomore in high school in the fall. She has been dating a boy who is almost 17 and will be a junior in high school in the fall. They connected immediately when they first met and their relationship had been moving way too fast in my opinion. They both told me that they were in love and were planning on being together after my daughter graduated from high school. I’ve tried to give my best parental advice and wisdom from my experiences. However, I was told by my daughter that they had talked about and decided to have sex, which they did 3 days ago.
They were both virgins and had unprotected sex. Now, I am trying my hardest to do what is best. There are so many things running through my mind as to what I need to do. I have talked to both of them regarding this. I could really use an outside professional opinion to help me make the correct decisions. I love my daughter dearly and her boyfriend is already like a part of our family. What advice can you give me?
Answer: Dear Anonymous:
Welcome to the world of inbetween childhood and adulthood. It is a challenge for parents to know what to do and more so when they see their children making choices they believe are not in their best interest.
She has already had sex, telling her not to will probably only drive them to do so behind your back, although where she lives at home she needs to respect your wishes.
I let my children know if they were having sex I expected them to use protection and dragged them to the closest Planned Parenthood Center where they attended lectures on STDs, unplanned pregnancies and Birth Control options.
Still I let them know I did not approve and lived with their dislike of my opinions. The bottom line is if she gets pregnant you will have your hands full dealing with you child becoming a parent. This is not an easy task. So while you are walking a tight rope between having a good relationship with her you also need to realize at 15 your are still her mother. It is time for some serious discussions about her taking responsibility for her actions.
If she does not work then I would suggest she start paying some of her own bills (she is old enough to have sex while she is living under your roof she is old enough for more responsibilities) besides dealing with the reality of paying bills will open her eyes to how much money it takes to live. I do believe sometimes children make poor choices because we make it too easy for them to do so. Another reason for her working is it takes some of her time to juggle school, work and a boyfriend!
Really though get them both to a local Planned Parenthood Center for some lectures! Or try your local health department….having sex means taking responsibility for your behavior!
Feel free to call me if you have more questions!
Best Wishes.
M Kay Keller
