Knowledgeability Clarity of Response Timeliness Politeness
10 10 10 10
Comment: Thank you for you quick response. Something to definitely think about. I have secrely felt that he tries to run our lives…it took you seconds to figure it out. Thanks!
Questioner: Phillipa Subject: stealing from a damaged shop by fire
Question: My son who is 11 went to school this morning, I had a phone call off the headmaster to say a local shop had a fire last night and the window had not been boarded up. Other children told him that my son has reached in thru the window and took a mars bar.
He had words with my son who wasn’t the only one, he admitted it and said he was sorry and would go back and apologise and pay for the mars bar. Why do this when I has given him a pound this morning to go to school. Do u think grounding him, taking him to the shop to apologise and pay for the stolen bar is enough punishment and what do I say.
We do tend to agrue and raise voices which I am doing my best not to do with him but it can be difficult when he seems to want the last word.He goes to the comprehensive school in September and I want to be able to talk to him rather than argue before he goes to the next level of schooling.
Answer: Dear Phillipa, Do I think he has been punished enough for being grounded and having to apologize and having to pay for what he took, yes. This is plenty. As parents we often are fearful for our children however when we yell they cannot hear our fear or feel how much we care and love them. All they hear is the yelling. So being able to detach with love and hear your son is very important.
It’s important to find out why he felt the need to do what he did. Was it because he was hungry (physical need), or because his friends wanted him to(respect) or because he was bored(challenge). After you get to the bottom of what motivated him to do what he did you can then ask him what he could have done differently, what choices he could have made instead which would have gotten him what he wanted. Remember he needs to tell you why what he did was wrong. Not in a shaming manner, just what the consequences of his actions can lead to and how it affects other people.
You are doing the hardest job in the world, Parenting.
He is fortunate to have a parent who cares for him. This is just a bump in the road!
M Kay Keller
