Knowledgeability Clarity of Response Timeliness Politeness Nomination?
10 10 10 10 Yes
Comment: Thank you Kay. All that made a lot of sense.
Subject: Mom Freaking Out
Question: Yesterday mom saw the scars on my wrists and asked what happened. I told her the truth which is that I cut myself.
Last night, while I was at a friend’s house she searched my room, took all my razors, read my diary and hid all the kitchen knives. I now have nothing.
I am not sure how to handle this, but I’m scared. She is obviously handling this worse than I thought she would. She has seriously invaded my privacy. I don’t know what to say to her or how to approach her. I’d like my stuff back, but I’m too afraid to ask.
What do I do now?
Answer: Dear Anonymous:
You are describing your mother’s behavior as her not handling this well. Stop and think about this for a minute. How did you expect her to handle this? Did you think she was going to say okay and then do nothing. She is your MOTHER. Mom are suppose to make sure their children are physically safe and taken care of so her taking all your stuff which she thinks you might hurt yourself with does make sense.
Now I want you to consider something else for a minute. Look at your mom, really just sit and look at her as a person. Do you think when you were born you came with a manual? She can’t just flip to a page which says, “What to do when you find out your daughter was cutting herself.”
She is responding the best she can considering she loves, you raised you and every hormone in her body is geared to getting you to adulthood SAFELY. It is kind of like stealing or killing someone in front of a police officer and then being surprised when he arrests you and takes you to jail. Do you understand a little bit better now?
I know you are scared, so is your mother. She doesn’t really know what to do except for what her mother’s heart tells her to do which was to remove anything she thinks you can use to hurt yourself. Is this realistic? No. You can hurt yourself if you choose to and you probably realize by now she is doing what she is doing because she is CONCERNED and because she cares for you. She is not thinking rationally. She can’t because she is every bit as scared as you are right now. She may even think it is a sign you are suicidal. Mothers over react when they are scared to death something is threatening their children.
What to do now? Sit down and tell her you know this was alot for her to deal with and tell her you are scared because you don’t know what to do next. Listen to her. Ask her about getting some family counseling.
Everything will be okay in the end. You both probably need to have some fun right now. However, the counseling is a really good idea to try out. I am here, feel free to post again.
M Kay Keller