• Family and Individual Education and Coaching

Mary Kay Keller

About
Books
Classes
Coaching
Podcasts
Testimonials

My daughter humps! Help!

Posted on March 19, 2012 by Mary Kay Keller

I am a mother of a 3yr old daughter, and she has been doing this “humping” thing for about 2 yrs. I don’t know what to do. I take her to the daycare and the gym and find her doing it there in front of everyone. I am really concerned and embarrassed of it. I’ve tried the calm strategy and distract her from it, but it only works for a few minutes. I also tried the scolding strategy, nothing works. Any suggestions????

Roseann


Dear Roseann79:

Your child humps because she likes to and it feels good to her. I know it is disconcerting to you and probably to other adults as well. However, the reality is that infants enjoy their sexual organs from the time they first discover them with their hands.

Your daughters behavior is not uncommon. Little boys play with their penis as much or more as your daughter humps. We seem to have more of a problem (of course) with little girls who exhibit the same interest in their pleasure. While it is not sexual in the same way as an adults, it still feels good or they wouldn’t continue to do it.

Here are some suggestions. ANY attention to her behavior will only reinforce the behavior. ANY attention includes negative attention. You cannot do anything negative that will make her want to stop for good, so don’t make the mistake of trying. In the old days, babies literally had their hands strapped to the side of the crib. It was cruel and inhuman for a natural response to their own bodies.

Next, she enjoys pleasurable sensations so distract her with other pleasurable less adult upsetting behaviors. Do you massage her on a daily basis? If so when she starts the behavior ask her if she wants a massage. Then massage her back or her legs whatever makes her relax. It also could be that she is self soothing. This behavior may relieve her of anxiety because it is pleasurable to her. So she needs some other substitute behaviors to soothe herself when she is upset or anxious.

Do try a few things for awhile to see if she gradually stops doing the humping. Many times parents try something and then give up too soon. Children learn by repetition and it takes a couple of weeks in a new routine for a child to respond.

This brings me to my next point. Does she have a consistent daily routine. Children are often sensitive to their routines as it is the only way they know what is coming next in their day. They do not have a sense of time and cannot predict the next moment by anything other than their memory of the routine. Consistent routines are so important because of their need for security and calmness. If her routine is not consistent it may produce higher anxiety in her and therefore a need to self soothe in the only way she knows how.

After all of this if you still need help. I strongly encourage to seek out a a play therapist who is certified in play therapy and has experience working with children 0-5 years of age.

Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller

http://astore.amazon.com/lifsjouagrass-20/detail/B005ELMC0Q

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recent Posts

  • Why is Breastfeeding Awareness So Important?
  • Babies are not empty heads that we need to fill up!
  • Learn the Baby Code Here!
  • What happens when optimal caregiving is not addressed.
  • Connecting to your infant through empathy.

Recent Comments

    Archives

    • August 2022
    • December 2020
    • February 2020
    • December 2019
    • November 2019
    • October 2019
    • September 2018
    • July 2018
    • June 2018
    • May 2018
    • April 2018
    • February 2017
    • June 2016
    • March 2016
    • February 2016
    • January 2016
    • December 2015
    • May 2015
    • April 2015
    • March 2015
    • February 2015
    • January 2015
    • November 2014
    • October 2014
    • September 2014
    • August 2014
    • July 2014
    • June 2014
    • May 2014
    • April 2014
    • March 2014
    • February 2014
    • January 2014
    • December 2013
    • November 2013
    • October 2013
    • September 2013
    • August 2013
    • July 2013
    • June 2013
    • May 2013
    • April 2013
    • March 2013
    • February 2013
    • January 2013
    • December 2012
    • November 2012
    • October 2012
    • September 2012
    • August 2012
    • July 2012
    • June 2012
    • May 2012
    • April 2012
    • March 2012
    • February 2012
    • January 2012
    • December 2011
    • November 2011
    • October 2011
    • September 2011
    • August 2011
    • July 2011
    • June 2011
    • May 2011
    • April 2011
    • March 2011
    • February 2011
    • January 2011
    • December 2010
    • November 2010
    • October 2010
    • September 2010
    • August 2010
    • July 2010
    • June 2010

    Categories

    • ACES
    • Adult Children
    • Adverse Childhood Experiences
    • alcohol
    • All Families
    • animal abuse
    • attachment
    • Babies
    • baby
    • Bedtime
    • bethchange
    • bonding
    • breastfeeding
    • caregiving
    • Child abuse
    • Children
    • communication
    • Dads
    • dating
    • discipline
    • emotional abuse
    • emotional development
    • empathy
    • family
    • father
    • fathering
    • grand parent
    • grandparenting
    • grandparents
    • health
    • infant
    • infant communication
    • infant empathy
    • infant massage
    • infants
    • massage
    • mother
    • mothering
    • mothers
    • Occam's razor
    • parenting
    • pet
    • prevention
    • protective factors
    • Q and A 13-17 yr old
    • Q and A 2 yr old
    • relationships
    • research
    • Resiliency
    • Romance
    • sibling
    • siblings
    • single dad
    • sleep
    • stepparenting
    • teens
    • Toddlers
    • Trauma
    • Trauma informed care
    • Uncategorized
    • videoblog
    • violence

    Meta

    • Log in
    • Entries feed
    • Comments feed
    • WordPress.org

    © 2000, MaryKayKeller.com. All Rights Reserved.