• Family and Individual Education and Coaching

Mary Kay Keller

About
Books
Classes
Coaching
Podcasts
Testimonials

My 15 year old son hates me!

Posted on January 28, 2011 by rachel.stenta@gmail.com

Questioner: Cindi

Subject: My 15 year old son hates me….

Question: Dear M.Kay

Please help! My 15 year old son ignores me, will not let me be involved in his life in any way, and only allows my husband to be part of Erik’s world.

Since our 18 year old son became a US Marine in April and has not been living here any longer, the ignoring me factor has gotten much worse.

Erik refuses to let me take him anywhere and will only ask for his Dad/s help on anything

Erik is an awesome kid, is the starting Running Back for the High School he attends and gets good grades-

Please help me! I am having a hard time of not being his Mom anymore and if things don’t change soon, I will be moving out so Erik will be much happier!

The background on our family is that we have been married for almost 21 years in October, and we have 4 kids, Jodi age 20 who has moved out, BJ age 18 who is a US Marine, Erik age 15, Tony age 4.

Since Tony was born Erik has always rivaled with his younger brother, I don’t know what it looks like any longer to be his Mom and am very distraught over this.

Counseling is out of the question as my husband or Erik refuse to try this.

If I do move out, would this be like abandoning my son???

Thank you anyone for your response..

Signed, distraught Mom

Answer: Dear Cindi:

Okay why move out? Who is the parent here? You are not serious about moving out because this teenager is stonewalling you are you really? It seem like an overreaction to something that is not as serious as it could be considering he is a teenager.

I am sure having two children out on their own is overwhelming already as you are facing the empty nest syndrome much earlier than expected. I need to assure you no parent is ready to let their children go.

Your son is 15 years old and only a short jump from being 18 years of age. His not doing things with you could possibly be because he feels he is having to make up for your losses? What do you think?

Parents go through a grieving process when their children grow up and detach from them. It is perfectly normal to be sad, angry, depressed and lost. You have been a mom for over 20 years. Of course your life is changing.

I would suggest having a talk with your teen and tell him you know you relationship is changing, you know he is growing up quickly and is only a short jump from being an adult. I would also assure him that he will always be your son and you will always be his mom in whatever form he will let you be. You hope to be close however it is really his choice how close you will be.

Try and find things to do together that he likes to do and listen a lot. Most of the time we as parents do more talking than listening and expect the teens to like what we like and it just doesn’t work this way.

If he remains distant then it is your responsibility to continue to be his mom. Try and derive your satisfaction from mothering your 4 year old, he needs nurturing now.

Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller

http://astore.amazon.com/lifsjouagrass-20/detail/B005ELMC0Q

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recent Posts

  • Why is Breastfeeding Awareness So Important?
  • Babies are not empty heads that we need to fill up!
  • Learn the Baby Code Here!
  • What happens when optimal caregiving is not addressed.
  • Connecting to your infant through empathy.

Recent Comments

    Archives

    • August 2022
    • December 2020
    • February 2020
    • December 2019
    • November 2019
    • October 2019
    • September 2018
    • July 2018
    • June 2018
    • May 2018
    • April 2018
    • February 2017
    • June 2016
    • March 2016
    • February 2016
    • January 2016
    • December 2015
    • May 2015
    • April 2015
    • March 2015
    • February 2015
    • January 2015
    • November 2014
    • October 2014
    • September 2014
    • August 2014
    • July 2014
    • June 2014
    • May 2014
    • April 2014
    • March 2014
    • February 2014
    • January 2014
    • December 2013
    • November 2013
    • October 2013
    • September 2013
    • August 2013
    • July 2013
    • June 2013
    • May 2013
    • April 2013
    • March 2013
    • February 2013
    • January 2013
    • December 2012
    • November 2012
    • October 2012
    • September 2012
    • August 2012
    • July 2012
    • June 2012
    • May 2012
    • April 2012
    • March 2012
    • February 2012
    • January 2012
    • December 2011
    • November 2011
    • October 2011
    • September 2011
    • August 2011
    • July 2011
    • June 2011
    • May 2011
    • April 2011
    • March 2011
    • February 2011
    • January 2011
    • December 2010
    • November 2010
    • October 2010
    • September 2010
    • August 2010
    • July 2010
    • June 2010

    Categories

    • ACES
    • Adult Children
    • Adverse Childhood Experiences
    • alcohol
    • All Families
    • animal abuse
    • attachment
    • Babies
    • baby
    • Bedtime
    • bethchange
    • bonding
    • breastfeeding
    • caregiving
    • Child abuse
    • Children
    • communication
    • Dads
    • dating
    • discipline
    • emotional abuse
    • emotional development
    • empathy
    • family
    • father
    • fathering
    • grand parent
    • grandparenting
    • grandparents
    • health
    • infant
    • infant communication
    • infant empathy
    • infant massage
    • infants
    • massage
    • mother
    • mothering
    • mothers
    • Occam's razor
    • parenting
    • pet
    • prevention
    • protective factors
    • Q and A 13-17 yr old
    • Q and A 2 yr old
    • relationships
    • research
    • Resiliency
    • Romance
    • sibling
    • siblings
    • single dad
    • sleep
    • stepparenting
    • teens
    • Toddlers
    • Trauma
    • Trauma informed care
    • Uncategorized
    • videoblog
    • violence

    Meta

    • Log in
    • Entries feed
    • Comments feed
    • WordPress.org

    © 2000, MaryKayKeller.com. All Rights Reserved.