• Family and Individual Education and Coaching

Mary Kay Keller

About
Books
Classes
Coaching
Podcasts
Testimonials

My 13 year old!

Posted on August 8, 2010 by rachel.stenta@gmail.com

Questioner: Missy Subject: Better Communication with my 13 year old daughter

Question: Not sure where to start. My 13 year old daughter struggles with talking to much in school, is constantly texting or on computer, she continues to ask me to do activities even when I have said NO many times, she will not stick to her chore list, believes I treat her older brother better than I treat her, has an attitude most times we communicate, and always has to have the last word.

I am overwhelmed as to how to effectively parent and better communicate with her. Currently I find myself trying to be calm and explain why I ask certain things of her, but it escalates to yelling when she does not do what I ask. Unfortunately their father who is not in the home prefers to send money than help me raise them.

Any advise would be very helpful. I feel like I would rather not talk to my daughter because most conversations are upsetting. I realize that this is not healthy and wish to come up with better alternatives. I love her deeply and it hurts to have such poor communication. I also hope that improving communication will open her eyes as to why I have rules for her to follow.

Answer: Dear Missy, First take that texting device away until your 13 year old daughter figures out you are the parent and hence the one making the rules. Make it clear you are the mom and not there to win a popularity contest. No yelling your the mom. Be clear and consistent. Make her earn her device back. Same with the computer except for homework and put a time limit on it.

Actually if she can’t stick to it she can write out her homework. Lastly until she communicates respectfully you do not have to justify, argue, defend or explain why you ask her to do something. Do however be reasonable to a 13 year olds developmental tasks. Ask only what a 13 year old is capable of and when she yells walk away. Tell her without any eye contact that you will listen when she uses an adult voice.

Don’t let that guilt trip she is putting you on about her brother being your favorite get her what she wants. That’s the oldest trick in the book and you are being played. Out play her, ignore those comments. IGNORE guilt comments.

Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller

http://astore.amazon.com/lifsjouagrass-20/detail/B005ELMC0Q

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recent Posts

  • Why is Breastfeeding Awareness So Important?
  • Babies are not empty heads that we need to fill up!
  • Learn the Baby Code Here!
  • What happens when optimal caregiving is not addressed.
  • Connecting to your infant through empathy.

Recent Comments

    Archives

    • August 2022
    • December 2020
    • February 2020
    • December 2019
    • November 2019
    • October 2019
    • September 2018
    • July 2018
    • June 2018
    • May 2018
    • April 2018
    • February 2017
    • June 2016
    • March 2016
    • February 2016
    • January 2016
    • December 2015
    • May 2015
    • April 2015
    • March 2015
    • February 2015
    • January 2015
    • November 2014
    • October 2014
    • September 2014
    • August 2014
    • July 2014
    • June 2014
    • May 2014
    • April 2014
    • March 2014
    • February 2014
    • January 2014
    • December 2013
    • November 2013
    • October 2013
    • September 2013
    • August 2013
    • July 2013
    • June 2013
    • May 2013
    • April 2013
    • March 2013
    • February 2013
    • January 2013
    • December 2012
    • November 2012
    • October 2012
    • September 2012
    • August 2012
    • July 2012
    • June 2012
    • May 2012
    • April 2012
    • March 2012
    • February 2012
    • January 2012
    • December 2011
    • November 2011
    • October 2011
    • September 2011
    • August 2011
    • July 2011
    • June 2011
    • May 2011
    • April 2011
    • March 2011
    • February 2011
    • January 2011
    • December 2010
    • November 2010
    • October 2010
    • September 2010
    • August 2010
    • July 2010
    • June 2010

    Categories

    • ACES
    • Adult Children
    • Adverse Childhood Experiences
    • alcohol
    • All Families
    • animal abuse
    • attachment
    • Babies
    • baby
    • Bedtime
    • bethchange
    • bonding
    • breastfeeding
    • caregiving
    • Child abuse
    • Children
    • communication
    • Dads
    • dating
    • discipline
    • emotional abuse
    • emotional development
    • empathy
    • family
    • father
    • fathering
    • grand parent
    • grandparenting
    • grandparents
    • health
    • infant
    • infant communication
    • infant empathy
    • infant massage
    • infants
    • massage
    • mother
    • mothering
    • mothers
    • Occam's razor
    • parenting
    • pet
    • prevention
    • protective factors
    • Q and A 13-17 yr old
    • Q and A 2 yr old
    • relationships
    • research
    • Resiliency
    • Romance
    • sibling
    • siblings
    • single dad
    • sleep
    • stepparenting
    • teens
    • Toddlers
    • Trauma
    • Trauma informed care
    • Uncategorized
    • videoblog
    • violence

    Meta

    • Log in
    • Entries feed
    • Comments feed
    • WordPress.org

    © 2000, MaryKayKeller.com. All Rights Reserved.