Knowledgeability Clarity of Response Politeness
10 10 10
Question: Hello, my name is Stacey and I am a 29 yr old mother of 3 boys. My problem is is that I feel I have already failed my 4 yr old and I feel I am about to fail my 3 year old as well.
My 4 yr old is a bully, very destructive and I find myself distant from him. There are times when he is good but that only comes and goes in spurts and I feel it is because of the way my husband and I interact with him. There is not a lot of peace and quiet. We are always yelling at him over small things because he won’t listen, won’t be still or quiet and/or is being mean to his younger or older brother. I feel we are in a vicious cycle.
I feel he is the way he is because we yell at him a lot and we are the way we are because of how he acts. I try to get down to eye level with him and talk to him but he won’t look at me or listen then I find myself loosing my cool. My husband just won’t work on his interacting with him or them. He cusses at them and calls them names and I don’t know how to make any of it stop.
I feel trapped and I want to be a better parent to all my children and provide a better environment for them and stop feeling like such a failure. Can you help me or direct me to someone who can?
You are not failing you just need more support. I strongly encourage you to find a local parenting class and attend it. I prefer the Nurturing Parenting education programs because they have the whole family attend. There are separate classes for the parents and children and then one together so parents can practice what they have learned with the children. It is a very supportive program. You can find these programs through the Nurturing Parenting Program.com.
If you can not find a provider close by then try searching for someone who teaches the positive parenting program. Either way you and your husband will enjoy your children much better when you have the skills to deal with their acting out behaviors.
Now having shared this I need to point out that your husbands behavior towards these children is not mature. He is setting the example they are following. When he acts our in emotionally abusive ways they are sure to follow. It is not helping. I hope he will go with you to the classes!
M Kay Keller