• Family and Individual Education and Coaching

Mary Kay Keller

About
Books
Classes
Coaching
Podcasts
Testimonials

Disrespectful 14yr old son

Posted on March 18, 2011 by Mary Kay Keller

Questioner: Melissa

Subject:
Question: I am the mother of 4 children ages 14 to 2, with my son being the oldest and the only boy. His father and I are divorced (he was mentally, emotionally and verbally abusive and sometimes physical) and I am remarried now with 2 children from this marriage and my husband has been around my son since he was about 3 1/2 yrs old.

My son has always been a incredibly good child, honor roll student, loving, and respectful….until NOW. The past year and half has been a nightmare. He has become very rude,arrogant, disrespectful, and abusive with his sisters (pushing, threatening, verbally abusive).

He is very pessimistic is always putting others down and really doesn’t ever have anything nice to say about anything. I have tried taking away things from him, cell phone, xbox etc… when he displays this behavior. He has also started making not so great grades, I check everything he does school wise, constant communication with his teachers to make sure he doesn’t come home with D’s or F’s because he just doesn’t care anymore. He has also been caught looking at porn on the computer and he and my husband sat down and talked about it.

The manner in which he treats me, his sisters (ages 11, 4, 2)my husband and other adults with such disrespect and disregard is extremely disturbing to me and I am scared he is going to be an abuser like his father and fail at relationships and in life. We talk very openly around our house about domestic violence, and my children know the differences in right and wrong, good and bad.

My husband and I have tried many different things, talking, family time, one on one time, church. Nothing really seems to be getting thru to him. I love my son and he is an awesome kid when he wants to be which here lately is not often at all. He knows when he has done wrong or been disrespectful and will often come and apologize and hug me and kiss me and tell me he loves me…however I also know this to be a pattern of an abuser. I am scared for him, for me and for our family. I am not sure where to turn, what to say or what to do. Please any and all advice will be greatly appreciated.

Answer: Dear Melissa;

From what you describe you son is not about to become abusive he is abusive. He was exposed to this behavior of what a man is suppose to be during his formative years. Talking to him about his behavior is not going to do the trick. He most likely also suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as do most people who have been exposed and/or experienced domestic violence and emotional abuse.

He needs as do you all, family counseling. I suggest you get to a qualified, experienced and successful Marriage and Family Therapist who can work with your son one on one and with him and the family together. It is imperative.

Also, taking things away from him is only going to increase this negative cycle. You need to focus on rewards rather than punishments. Make sure you praise his behavior when he does do something right. It is very easier to become engaged in a negative relationship and become a participant rather than encourage him to do better.

It is great you wrote me and your son will one day appreciate how you are in his corner.

Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller

http://astore.amazon.com/lifsjouagrass-20/detail/B005ELMC0Q

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recent Posts

  • Why is Breastfeeding Awareness So Important?
  • Babies are not empty heads that we need to fill up!
  • Learn the Baby Code Here!
  • What happens when optimal caregiving is not addressed.
  • Connecting to your infant through empathy.

Recent Comments

    Archives

    • August 2022
    • December 2020
    • February 2020
    • December 2019
    • November 2019
    • October 2019
    • September 2018
    • July 2018
    • June 2018
    • May 2018
    • April 2018
    • February 2017
    • June 2016
    • March 2016
    • February 2016
    • January 2016
    • December 2015
    • May 2015
    • April 2015
    • March 2015
    • February 2015
    • January 2015
    • November 2014
    • October 2014
    • September 2014
    • August 2014
    • July 2014
    • June 2014
    • May 2014
    • April 2014
    • March 2014
    • February 2014
    • January 2014
    • December 2013
    • November 2013
    • October 2013
    • September 2013
    • August 2013
    • July 2013
    • June 2013
    • May 2013
    • April 2013
    • March 2013
    • February 2013
    • January 2013
    • December 2012
    • November 2012
    • October 2012
    • September 2012
    • August 2012
    • July 2012
    • June 2012
    • May 2012
    • April 2012
    • March 2012
    • February 2012
    • January 2012
    • December 2011
    • November 2011
    • October 2011
    • September 2011
    • August 2011
    • July 2011
    • June 2011
    • May 2011
    • April 2011
    • March 2011
    • February 2011
    • January 2011
    • December 2010
    • November 2010
    • October 2010
    • September 2010
    • August 2010
    • July 2010
    • June 2010

    Categories

    • ACES
    • Adult Children
    • Adverse Childhood Experiences
    • alcohol
    • All Families
    • animal abuse
    • attachment
    • Babies
    • baby
    • Bedtime
    • bethchange
    • bonding
    • breastfeeding
    • caregiving
    • Child abuse
    • Children
    • communication
    • Dads
    • dating
    • discipline
    • emotional abuse
    • emotional development
    • empathy
    • family
    • father
    • fathering
    • grand parent
    • grandparenting
    • grandparents
    • health
    • infant
    • infant communication
    • infant empathy
    • infant massage
    • infants
    • massage
    • mother
    • mothering
    • mothers
    • Occam's razor
    • parenting
    • pet
    • prevention
    • protective factors
    • Q and A 13-17 yr old
    • Q and A 2 yr old
    • relationships
    • research
    • Resiliency
    • Romance
    • sibling
    • siblings
    • single dad
    • sleep
    • stepparenting
    • teens
    • Toddlers
    • Trauma
    • Trauma informed care
    • Uncategorized
    • videoblog
    • violence

    Meta

    • Log in
    • Entries feed
    • Comments feed
    • WordPress.org

    © 2000, MaryKayKeller.com. All Rights Reserved.