Subject: 15 year old daughter
Question: Everytime we get into an argument or I tell her no, she swears at me, then runs out the door and doesn’t come home until she feels like it.
Sometimes not until midnight. I tried taking things away, doesn’t work. I tried the awards approach and that doesn’t work. What do I do?
Answer: Dear Rhonda:
First of all she needs to hear you will not continue any conversation that she treats you disrespectfully. This means you walk away from her first!
Next when you say you tried rewards this is not a good idea either. Sometimes positive reinforcement for teens needs to be about praise. What do you like about your daughter.
And do you do most of the talking or do you listen. Listening is something which needs to occur alot with children, alot more than we do in our society.
How often do you spend time doing fun things together?
How often do you find yourself lecturing her versus listening to her? Just listening?
Find opportunities to not get into an argument.
The teen years are hard as teens developmentally are geared to separating from their parents to become individuals and are socializing with the same sex, opposite sex and finding themselves. Very tall orders for any human being. Their lives are not as uncomplicated as we adults believe they are and often there are lots of things going on which have absolutely nothing to do with us.
M Kay Keller