Questioner: Cynthia

Subject: 14 year old son with ADD, tourettes, OCD, and auditory processing disorder

Question: my son is very bright. yet, he doesn’t appreciate that about himself, i think because it takes effort. His philosophy is better not to try than to fail. he is transitioning into high school, and the school district has removed his IEP. My son is handsome, needs structure, and has no real motivation….his sister who is 11 went through lots of speech therapy and learned how to work, and really applies herself. I have to make my son do stuff.

Reading one of your responses to someone makes me think that I had better set up the psychology appointments again….yet I don’t want to give him a bad idea about himself. My son needs plenty of structure but he needs lots of optimism and encouragement too. I don’t know how to do both….I consider just homeschooling him. He has great ideas and vocabulary but he is quiet and withdraws when work is hard rather than tackling his work by asking for help. I can’t allow him to sink…..which is what the school district expects me to do. If you have any ideas to guide me I would be grateful. I would like to stay in touch.

Answer: Dear Cynthia:

You know your son better than anyone else. Please trust your instincts. I am not sure how counseling will give him a bad sense of himself.

I am not sure why the school district has removed his INEPT however I hope you realize that any government agency which makes a decision has to have an avenue for an appeals process in place. Know that this decision is not final. Do not fear climbing over heads to get what you need for your child. You are and will be his strongest advocate.

Also, realize each child is different. No two children are built the same. He may not have the tenacity his sister has or that you have trust what you see when you think he will not prevail on his own. However also realize that you can only do so much for him and eventually he will have to go on without you. He will need to decide what to do with his life and how he will find his own way.

Hope this helps!

M Kay Keller

RATING & COMMENTS:
Knowledge Helpfulness Timeliness Politeness

10              10               10            10
Comment: thank you for your response. I will follow my head and heart. I have made an appointment with the neurologist, which I will work with this Dr. and Nathan’s pediatrician with.

Also I believe that Nathan is who he is, and that it is important that he understand that is GOOD. My goal is to give Nathan more skills at communicating about how he feels and what he feels that he needs, while helping him to grow in the areas that 14 year old boys need to grow in.

He really cannot avoid everything but he can learn to put limits on what he does partake in: learning and social interactions with friends and others. I know that I have to set the correct tone and agenda, and for that I will need, from time to time, to reach out to others.

I called the spec. ed director of the district and he is willing to meet with me and Nathan, to help give direction and I believe understanding and support. I just have to be willing to reach out. I will be positive.

Thank you for reaching back to me. You are correct, as is the school too, that Nathan must make decisions for himself, even though doing so seems overwhelming to him….he needs to learn to trust himself, and know that I trust him too.

Questioner: Cynthia

Subject: 14 year old son with ADD, tourettes, OCD, and auditory processing disorder

Question: my son is very bright. yet, he doesn’t appreciate that about himself, i think because it takes effort. His philosophy is better not to try than to fail. he is transitioning into high school, and the school district has removed his IEP. My son is handsome, needs structure, and has no real motivation….his sister who is 11 went through lots of speech therapy and learned how to work, and really applies herself. I have to make my son do stuff.

Reading one of your responses to someone makes me think that I had better set up the psychology appointments again….yet I don’t want to give him a bad idea about himself. My son needs plenty of structure but he needs lots of optimism and encouragement too. I don’t know how to do both….I consider just homeschooling him. He has great ideas and vocabulary but he is quiet and withdraws when work is hard rather than tackling his work by asking for help. I can’t allow him to sink…..which is what the school district expects me to do. If you have any ideas to guide me I would be grateful. I would like to stay in touch.

Answer: Dear Cynthia:

You know your son better than anyone else. Please trust your instincts. I am not sure how counseling will give him a bad sense of himself.

I am not sure why the school district has removed his INEPT however I hope you realize that any government agency which makes a decision has to have an avenue for an appeals process in place. Know that this decision is not final. Do not fear climbing over heads to get what you need for your child. You are and will be his strongest advocate.

Also, realize each child is different. No two children are built the same. He may not have the tenacity his sister has or that you have trust what you see when you think he will not prevail on his own. However also realize that you can only do so much for him and eventually he will have to go on without you. He will need to decide what to do with his life and how he will find his own way.

Hope this helps!

M Kay Keller

RATING & COMMENTS:
Knowledge Helpfulness Timeliness Politeness

10              10               10            10
Comment: thank you for your response. I will follow my head and heart. I have made an appointment with the neurologist, which I will work with this Dr. and Nathan’s pediatrician with.

Also I believe that Nathan is who he is, and that it is important that he understand that is GOOD. My goal is to give Nathan more skills at communicating about how he feels and what he feels that he needs, while helping him to grow in the areas that 14 year old boys need to grow in.

He really cannot avoid everything but he can learn to put limits on what he does partake in: learning and social interactions with friends and others. I know that I have to set the correct tone and agenda, and for that I will need, from time to time, to reach out to others.

I called the spec. ed director of the district and he is willing to meet with me and Nathan, to help give direction and I believe understanding and support. I just have to be willing to reach out. I will be positive.

Thank you for reaching back to me. You are correct, as is the school too, that Nathan must make decisions for himself, even though doing so seems overwhelming to him….he needs to learn to trust himself, and know that I trust him too.