• Family and Individual Education and Coaching

Mary Kay Keller

About
Books
Classes
Coaching
Podcasts
Testimonials

12 year old wants to move?

Posted on July 13, 2010 by rachel.stenta@gmail.com

Questioner: April

Subject: 12 Year old daughter wants to move in with Father

Question: My 12 year old daughter lives with me,step-dad, and her brother. Her biological father lives in NC and we live in GA. Its a long story but the main thing is that the Biological father didn’t even want her and the only reason he came into the picture when she was four is because since he kept denying her, I went through child support enforcement who found him and made him to a DNA test and he was the father.

Ever since then he gets what he wants when it comes to her. He gets her the normal GA visitation standards and does pay his child support. Even though he didn’t want her and left me when I was 3 months pregnant, I think he does really love her now.

Well, I didn’t have a good relationship with my mom so I do everything in my power to make my daughter happy. It is very hard since we don’t have much money. When she is at her fathers, she gets to do what she wants, when she wants and with who she wants. When she is home, she is in reality and has to do homework, listen to parents and of course we don’t get to have that much fun with her like they do cause we are too busy doing the parenting.

She came home last night from Physical Therapy and said she wanted to move to NC so she could try the school out up there and just try out her options. Well, I was heartbroken, I wanted to die. I tried and do try so hard and I never saw it coming. I don’t know what to do. Why would she want to go live someone who didn’t want her and I do everything for her.

My husband who has been in the picture way longer than her father tried to talk to her to explain to her that the grass is not greener on the other side and just because she does everything she wants now when she goes up to NC doesn’t mean it will stay that way especially since they have a 1 1/2 yr old and now they are pregnant again and it will be due in April.

I asked her who put this crap in her head but she just says she wants to try the school out only till the rest of the school year. She makes all A’s here and is in the BETA club. Our schools are better than where the father lives and I want her to have a great education so she will be successful!!! I don’t know what to do! She is not thinking. Why???? She is very smart and she is making a very wrong decision!! Why would she does this and what should I do? She is not even a teen yet!!!

Answer: Dear April,

The rationale your 12 year old daughter doesn’t sound like the rational of a 12 year old girl. I don’t know of too many 12 year olds who want to move and leave their friends. I think you need to let go of the past and try and focus on the present. What is going on that she is asking you to move. What are her reasons? I can’t imagine a 12 year old who is doing so well in school wanting to move to another state and leave her friends behind. There is more to this story than meets the eye.

Next, she is 12 I don’t think there are too many states that let a 12 year old choose. Have you thought about just saying let me think about it? Have you thought about saying let’s talk about this when you are 14 or 16? Sometimes delaying things is the best option. In the meantime make sure you are parenting a 12 year old. I she allowed to have privileges of a 12 year old girl. If she is doing so well in school and she is not being allowed to have the life of a 12 year old maybe what she is telling you is that she needs some space. I am not there so I don’t know what is going on between you and her. Many parents get caught up in trying to outdo the other parent and often to the child’s demise.

Best Wishes!

M Kay Keller

http://astore.amazon.com/lifsjouagrass-20/detail/B005ELMC0Q

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recent Posts

  • Why is Breastfeeding Awareness So Important?
  • Babies are not empty heads that we need to fill up!
  • Learn the Baby Code Here!
  • What happens when optimal caregiving is not addressed.
  • Connecting to your infant through empathy.

Recent Comments

    Archives

    • August 2022
    • December 2020
    • February 2020
    • December 2019
    • November 2019
    • October 2019
    • September 2018
    • July 2018
    • June 2018
    • May 2018
    • April 2018
    • February 2017
    • June 2016
    • March 2016
    • February 2016
    • January 2016
    • December 2015
    • May 2015
    • April 2015
    • March 2015
    • February 2015
    • January 2015
    • November 2014
    • October 2014
    • September 2014
    • August 2014
    • July 2014
    • June 2014
    • May 2014
    • April 2014
    • March 2014
    • February 2014
    • January 2014
    • December 2013
    • November 2013
    • October 2013
    • September 2013
    • August 2013
    • July 2013
    • June 2013
    • May 2013
    • April 2013
    • March 2013
    • February 2013
    • January 2013
    • December 2012
    • November 2012
    • October 2012
    • September 2012
    • August 2012
    • July 2012
    • June 2012
    • May 2012
    • April 2012
    • March 2012
    • February 2012
    • January 2012
    • December 2011
    • November 2011
    • October 2011
    • September 2011
    • August 2011
    • July 2011
    • June 2011
    • May 2011
    • April 2011
    • March 2011
    • February 2011
    • January 2011
    • December 2010
    • November 2010
    • October 2010
    • September 2010
    • August 2010
    • July 2010
    • June 2010

    Categories

    • ACES
    • Adult Children
    • Adverse Childhood Experiences
    • alcohol
    • All Families
    • animal abuse
    • attachment
    • Babies
    • baby
    • Bedtime
    • bethchange
    • bonding
    • breastfeeding
    • caregiving
    • Child abuse
    • Children
    • communication
    • Dads
    • dating
    • discipline
    • emotional abuse
    • emotional development
    • empathy
    • family
    • father
    • fathering
    • grand parent
    • grandparenting
    • grandparents
    • health
    • infant
    • infant communication
    • infant empathy
    • infant massage
    • infants
    • massage
    • mother
    • mothering
    • mothers
    • Occam's razor
    • parenting
    • pet
    • prevention
    • protective factors
    • Q and A 13-17 yr old
    • Q and A 2 yr old
    • relationships
    • research
    • Resiliency
    • Romance
    • sibling
    • siblings
    • single dad
    • sleep
    • stepparenting
    • teens
    • Toddlers
    • Trauma
    • Trauma informed care
    • Uncategorized
    • videoblog
    • violence

    Meta

    • Log in
    • Entries feed
    • Comments feed
    • WordPress.org

    © 2000, MaryKayKeller.com. All Rights Reserved.